Do you ever feel like you exist in a body that doesn’t belong to you? Like you want to control the body and it won’t cooperate? Whether it is an eating disorder symptom, or a disability, or body dysmorphia, that makes you feel trapped. It can be a gnawing and nagging thought. It can also be reframed to be positive. The body is a vessel that carries our thoughts, emotions, memories, and decisions. We can nurture this body so that we can continue to think and to be. To laugh, to love, to experience moments of joy, to feel gratitude and acceptance. We can learn to love our body, or we can nurture these bodies as vessels for who we are.
This week, Kira (that’s me!) explores that disconnected feeling that can come with a body that isn’t what you want it to be. Our goal is to embrace who we are, now, in this moment. Because we are more than our bodies. Because we are enough.
Be kind to yourself and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
dis em body
dis them body
dis my body
this body is not me. this body is not my body. i don’t recognize this body that i am in. flesh that isn’t mine. layers of protection from the outside world. protection that got thick. protection that took over and kept me safe.
this body is not my body.
this body is not me.
i talk to this body,
beg it to change. beg it to cooperate. beg it to be different.
i hide this body. i hide it under layers of clothing. baggy clothes that hide my flesh. hiding this body that is not mine. this body that is not me.
it’s an imposition. i am an impostor, walking around in a body that is not mine.
i am thoughts and feelings and energy and words. i am writing and reading and guitar playing and piano notes and songs. i am teaching and learning. i am talking. i am thinking. i am am drawing. i am writing. i am words. i am not this body. this body is not me. this body is not mine.
people see this body. this body is presented as me. i am read as this body. this body that is not me. this body that is not mine. this flesh that hides who i am.
when a stranger on the street calls me fat, i try to remember that i am not my body. And I am not this flesh that is carried on this body that is not me, this body that is not mine.
i loath being stuck in a body that isn’t mine, that isn’t me. i want to peel off the layers. until i find myself. until i find the me underneath. the body that is mine.
i feel trapped inside a body that isn’t me.
this is my body. but it is not my body. my body is not me.