Dear Blog Readers,
In this post, Ellen describes the feeling of not letting yourself cry. I can imagine myself holding my breath, biting my lip so that it doesn’t quiver. I know that this only hurts me and yet I have the impulse to hide it. Can you relate to that? Share your reflections. All formats are welcome and all submissions are *published. Email Kmccarthy@sheenasplace.org
Be kind to yourself and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
Your moderator,
Kira
*Edits may be recommended based on content warnings.
Don’t cry
by Ellen
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
they like me because I don’t cry
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
I’m a big girl now. use my words
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
if you cry, I can’t have it
if you cry, they tell on me
babies cry – no one wants to see a big girl crying
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
that tight throat squeezed rib breathless part of me that can’t come out that hides in the dark that makes you say I am a girl
that tremble in my lip that gives me away
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
what do you want? what is wrong with you? why are you crying?
grow up. shut up. shut down. give up.
do
not
cry
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
the pressure. it builds. it consumes. my body tight. rigid. hold it in. hold it all in. forever. bottle the tears ’cause you do not need them here. not now. not ever.
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
what do you mean that hurts? it doesn’t hurt. what a baby.
you are such a baby.
you are such a what a big big baby.
you are such a what a big big big cry baby.
you are such a what a big big baby what a big big big cry baby
you are such a what a big big baby what a big big big cry baby a big big big big big crying baby baby
be
QUIET.
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
t
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engulf my breath
shake me
hold on
tight
keep it
to
yourself
keep it
to
get
her
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry
c
r
y
i
n
g
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I must not cry.
I will not cry.
I cannot cry.
shhhhh …. it’s okay …. don’t cry