Relapse: a poem

Hello blog readers,

It has been quite the long haul with Covid19 changing our lives. Not only has it changed the ways people live with masks, distancing, extra hand washing, lockdowns; people have also become isolated and rely on technology to keep connected. This year and a half has had a huge impact on mental health. Many people have struggled with loneliness, fear, anxiety, depression, and an increase in symptoms. In the case of eating disorders, the isolation and time at home can increase ED symptoms. Being on zoom calls (and other platforms) can mean staring for hours on end, inspecting and criticizing. It can mean spending hours on social media struggling with comparison. Accessing therapy is always challenging, and changing to phone or video calls if you have a therapist is a huge change that can make therapy that much harder.

We want you to know that you are not alone in this. Increased symptoms, relapse, loneliness, increased isolation, anxiety, depression, and struggles with mental health are common right now. If you don’t have a therapist, you can reach out to Sheena’s Place or to NEDIC for support. You can use the skills in the tool box you have been building. And if you haven’t taken the first step to seek help or support, you can start with your family doctor, a trusted family member or friend, or an agency like Sheena’s Place. We know it is not easy, and we are here to guide you to the support systems that are available.

We invite you to share your stories, your struggles, your inspiration. Writing and sharing on the blog can feel like relief or a release and make you feel less alone. In this post, B.H. writes about her relapse and how it has helped her refocus on what she needs in her recovery.

Take care, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Your blog moderator,



Relapse: a poem

by B.H.


staring into mirrors of myself

picking apart each piece like a bird picking at it’s feathers

lonely         no where to go            no one to see           nothing to look forward to

i reach for the only thing i know     the thing

that makes it feel numb

the thing

that i can control

the thing that actually controls me

i fall deeper and deeper into the murky waters of self-judgement and turn to the thing i know

the thing that i have worked so hard to escape

the thing that decides for me

i give into the lull of short-term comfort only to hate myself later

but in those moments …

i look in the mirror and see shame, disappointment, sadness that i have disappointed others, embarrassment, and most of all fear

can i fight this again?

will i always be fighting this?

can i take control over my life and recapture who i was a year ago when i was recovered and doing so well?

i can

i did it before             this is not the beginning again          this is the next chapter

i am starting where i was

i am going back to basics

to routine

to the knowledge that this wont last forever

and that i am strong even when i believe i am weak

i can do this

i believe in myself

believe in me?