Dear Blog Readers,
I hope you have had a wonderful July with moments of feeling the sunshine, of doing the things you love to do outdoors, of reading in a park or on a porch or curled up on the comfiest chair ever, of swimming. Summer can be this dichotomous time of wanting to feel cool breezes, of removing sweaters, long legged bottoms, and long sleeve tops, while also wanting to stay invisible or wanting to hide. It can be beautiful and happy while also being scary and uninviting. Summer can make a person want to spin in circles in a meadow or hide in air conditioning so cold that the layers of clothing are required to prevent chattering teeth and shivering shoulders. All can be true at once.
This week we hear from e.v. who poetically shares their longing to be comfortable at the beach and in their body.
My wish for all of you is a day, or an hour, or a few minutes of simply being. Everyone needs to be.
Take good care of yourselves, and remember to nourish your body, mind, and spirit.
Your moderator,
Kira
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beach
sand
waves
sun in my eyes
music quietly rippling from across the lake
a fish jumps
children’s giggles
sunscreen and coconut tanning oil
giant umbrellas and shade tents
charcoal burning
and skin
everywhere i look is skin while mine is hidden by coverups, sarongs, towels, or staying home.
i want
i want to have a beach body – a body on the beach
i want to take off the material i use to hide
my body
my shame
my self
instead
i hide
i stay home
i say no
i make excuses: i burn easily, i have plans, i’m tired, my family needs me
anything
to avoid being seen.
or i wear my coverings and take them off right at the shore, just beyond where the waves will reach, and walk as quickly as i can until i can drop into the water and no longer be seen.
maybe i have a beach body
maybe all bodies belong at the beach
(that is not what i read or see or hear)
maybe this body
the one with legs that carry me from place to place
the one with hands that let me play piano, turn the pages of my book, type these words, hold the tiny hand of the human i grew inside of me
the one with eyes that see that tiny human, lips that kiss the top of their tiny heard, ears that hear their laugh, and their cry.
maybe this body can be at the beach
maybe this body can be a body that sheds the layers of cloth and walks from my blanket to the water and slowly enjoys the cold lapping at me before i take the plunge
maybe this body can be.
… for now i wrap myself in layers of cloth, knowing i am teaching this tiny human all the shame i carry, knowing the impact it could have, knowing i am not free.
wanting
all the time wanting
to be free
to be me
to be
– by e.v.
Photo Credit: Rawpixel. Public Domain.