- Dear Blog Readers,
Summer has a way of catching you off guard. It shows up and suddenly everything is louder and brighter and more exposed than you were prepared for. Ambreen writes about what it feels like to watch everyone else seem comfortable in that, when you’re not there yet. It’s honest and it’s real and we think a lot of you will recognize something in it.
You are enough, exactly as you are right now.
Be kind to yourself and remember to nourish your body, mind, and that place inside you that makes you who you are.
Your moderator,
Kira
Summer in Layers
by Ambreen M.
I don’t really know how to start this so I’m just going to.
Summer is hard. I know that sounds weird because summer is supposed to be the fun one. But for me it’s actually kind of the worst. Everyone’s outside and happy and wearing as little as possible and I’m just kind of standing there watching that happen and feeling like I missed a class where they taught you how to do it.
I watch people at the park just like, lay down on the grass. Take their shoes off. Roll up their sleeves. And they don’t even think about it. That’s the part I can’t get over. They just do it.
I’ve never been that relaxed in my body. I don’t think I remember a time when I was.
Being Muslim means I think about what I’m wearing all the time. Not in a bad way, it’s just part of how I move through the world. But it also means summer gets complicated because everyone’s shedding layers and I’m not doing that and sometimes I don’t know if I’m covering because it feels right or because I’m also kind of hiding. Both things can be true I think. I’m still figuring that out.
This summer I’m going to try to just be outside more. That’s it. That’s the whole plan. Sit on the steps. Walk to the corner store instead of ordering in. Let it be hot and not immediately go back inside.
It’s not a big deal probably. But for me it kind of is.
I’m scared a lot. I don’t totally know of what. My body I guess. What people think. Whether I take up too much space or not enough. But I went and sat outside yesterday for like forty minutes and nothing bad happened and I think that counts for something.
I’m going to keep trying.